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HOW I AM CONQUERING MY OLD PARADIGM


May 31, 2019. The last day of "my day job".

I’ve said it many times before, it’s all about awareness.


As a young person, we grow up in a world surrounded by circumstance and for many years we learn how to navigate this reality by observing others. For those who are not fortunate enough to be raised in the “right” (whatever that is) circumstances, and even for those who are, all of us without exception inherit the habit of “monkey see, monkey do”.


I suppose the optimal circumstance would to be raised by parents who encourage and guide you into learning how to think and become aware. Thus, you would end up monkey seeing and doing some very positive life habits but this is relative and fuck all if I know anything anyway.


Yet, I digress..


For yours truly, I 100% monkey see, monkey did the shit out of life for.. well.. Yeah I am still doing it, BUT, I have managed to become aware of many of the monkey see, monkey do things that I have done in my life up to this point.


For me, and your story might be similar, I grew up a very creative, super interested and hungry young person. I was excited about the process of discovery and I am still just as curious today. Yet, I had the moment where “the system” of the reigning mentality of our cultural paradigm came along at the perfect moment in my development and proceeded to beat me into submission.


I learned that it was not ok to be different. It was not ok to express myself. I learned not to be comfortable doing things that no one else was doing. I learned that if you didn't go into the military or get a job or go to college than you wouldn’t be able to walk safely along the treadmill of life hoping to make it safely to death.


As if that wasn't bad enough, the worst thing that I ever did, was accept that form of thinking.


I have reflected many times on my experience post Marine Corps. After the accumulation of some traumatic circumstances I experienced, one thing I dealt with, was a very strong sense that the person I was before had died and I felt so fucking empty inside, like desperately empty, emotionless. Over the last 15 years I have been on a mission to rediscover that personality I was before this death. I loved the person I was becoming during my teen years and it haunted me that I was unable to reconnect to that personality.


That desire has been the driving factor in much of my growth over the last 6 years. It took me so long to realize it but the person I was becoming then, was a person I was creating! AND, fucking AANNND, I CAN DO IT AGAIN!! What a holy shit revelation that was.


Once I really got ahold of this, everything became a process of slaughter and regeneration. I began chipping away at one thought, or mindset or limiting belief that did not fall in line with the person I was looking to become and decimating its existence. Then following it up with creating a new and empowering belief that supported this image of who I am becoming. It was a process of being PRESENT and AWARE.


I won’t lie, this has been a very transparent, a very uncomfortable and for someone with a small bandwidth of patience very challenging. But despite all of that, I am so much happier in my life today than I have ever been in my life before…ever. As hard as it has been at times, I would not change any of it. Everything has worked out for my benefit.


I couldn't think of a great way to end this post but I just want you to ponder this statement.


We all become what we think about.

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©2020 by Jay Michael.